Things Which Are Not True

I am not married and do not have children, so I won’t mind dropping everything and running halfway across the country to fix your project.

If you make it diminutive and pink, it will be more appealing to me.

I’m smiling and friendly, therefore I like you.

Doing “IT consulting” means I want to answer all of your questions about iPhone vs Android, in detail, when you have no idea what you’re talking about, for free.

I’m less than X years old, therefore I don’t know Y cultural thing.

My hair is long enough to reach my waist.  I must be planning to cut it all off and donate it to charity.

I’m female and my clothes match.  I must be on a diet, have body image issues, or feel guilty about eating good food.

My cat is a ferocious beast, ready to slay any and all who cross her.

I think your child is cute/adorable/the least bit interesting.

I like to cook, therefore I want to bake muffins for you.

I’m a writer, therefore I’m neurotic.

I’m not writing about the Capitol Access settlement because I’m so pleased by it, there’s nothing to say.

 

Did I miss anything?

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