I’ve been doing a lot of rewrites this week, mostly fixing boring POV characters and moving around exposition.  Fixing boring characters is something this particular project has a unique need for – usually my revisions are all about slowing things down enough for them to make sense.  This has led to some rather interesting conversations in my brain.  In case y’all have developed the impression I’m sane, I present examples to you.

Me: Wait, this character’s pseudonym is a pun.

Myself: Yes.

Me: Did I do that, or did he?

Myself: He did.  Look at how he dresses.

Me: Point.

Myself: Also, he just called a giant sentient network a bitch.

Me: Yeah.  He’s kinda awesome, isn’t he?

Myself: Giant. Sentient. Network. Politeness is warranted.

Me: Cut him some slack.  I fridged his girlfriend in the back story.

Myself: That’s putting it mildly.

Me: Oh?

Myself: You designed the world building so that it fridges all the girlfriends.

Me: Well…you know…I kinda hate girlfriends.

Myself: Not all of them.

Me: You sure?

Myself: Pepper Potts.

Me: Doesn’t count.

Myself: Fox Renard.

I: You’ve left that character alone…

Me: Very little on screen time during the girlfriend stage.

Myself: Rachel Mencken.

Me: Lover, not girlfriend.

I: Having silly arguments while he’s brooding…

Myself: No fair.  You’re defining girlfriend as, “that group of females who I do not like.”

Me: This is an internal monologue.  I don’t have to play fair.


Me/Myself: Sorry.

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