I recently ran across a reminder that it’s helpful even when straight/cis people identify their preferences because it normalizes the practice which then makes it easier for people who have a harder time with expressing their own preferences. Then it occurred to me that while I’m not quiet about my preferences, if you don’t know me in person there’s not really any way to know what my preferences are. So, here they are.
My preferred pronouns are she/her. Also acceptable: She/Her, they, They.
Miss is my preferred title. I’m not married or permanently committed, have no intention of becoming so, and I like that English lets me signal that. Ms is acceptable. Mrs. is slightly vexing when directed at me.
That’s for English. I vastly prefer Señora to Señorita, possibly because I was Señorita for the first time when I was 13 and knew nothing more than how to say “blue” and count to ten. I am significantly older/more mature than that person, and her title doesn’t feel right. That said, I’m not married, so Señorita is technically correct and I’m not going to be upset if that’s what gets used. (Also, I have a policy of not getting upset with the native speakers of languages I’m not a native speaker of over how they use their language at me)
Ma’am and Miss are interchangeable to me.
I will be Queen of the world, not King. I will be God of the universe, not Goddess. I am sometimes a civilized creature, but never a lady. Or a gentleman. When I grow up and become Anander Miaanai, I will be Lord of the Radch. I’m the Emperor, or the Imperatrix.
I am never, ever a girl. Or a boy. I was a child, but have thankfully escaped that state.
I am female. Also, scary, spiteful, tired, organized, smug, stubborn, reasonable, and pedantic. The second list is significantly more important.
I am a woman, but only if we must make that salient and, really, I’d rather identify as God-Emperor of the Universe and change the conversation to something interesting, like books.
I’m also straight and polyamorous. I don’t have boyfriends. Or a husband. I’m un-fond of “significant others.” I have acquaintances, buddies, pals, friends, good friends, very good friends, best friends, family, and my sister. You should feel free to refer to any of these people as “Anaea’s [fill in term from previous list]” should you need to define a person based on my relationship with them. That list is not as hierarchical as it looks and categories are not exclusive. I will tell you whether I’m sleeping with somebody if you ask. It’s also none of your business unless you’re a person I’m sleeping with.
Also, don’t assume that just because I’m straight that anyone I’m sleeping with identifies as male. My relationship with an individual does not constrain that individual’s presentation to the rest of the world.
I think that covers everything. Let me know if I missed something and I’ll clarify.
Anaea Lay 