Observation and a request for advice

Apparently if one removes the ball type ends from a faux wooden curtain rod, one has a passable substitute for one’s beloved staff which, being rather cumbersome to take on a plane, one packed off with the movers. Then, if one spends about half an hour in the absolutely tiny back yard of one’s parent’s new house playing with the substitute staff one will a) freak out the uncomfortably nosy neighbors who then decide that you’re into some strange new age fitness routine a la pilates and b) summon super fluffy golden retrievers belonging to said neighbors who want very much for you to play with them, instead of the staff. (The retrievers, not the neighbors, who would rather gawk. Seriously, my parents live in the middle of stinkin’ nowhere. Would it kill somebody to leave the happy “keeps you from having to interact with other people” trees in place?)

Also, apparently spending four years away means boys who were at ages 11, 5 and 3 means they are now 15, 9, and 7. The oldest’s voice has changed and he’s having trouble with all his female friends revealing that, secretly, they’re in love with him and could they please be allowed to jump his bones? He blushes, turns them down, and insists that he doesn’t “do that.” These kids are my favorite young’uns of all time, the only kids I ever babysat, and they’re growing up to be all straight-laced and well behaved. I feel like I’ve failed utterly somehow. Was my example not good enough, or did they lack sufficient exposure to it? I’m sure I still have time for the two youngest, but is all hope of turning the oldest into an interesting human being gone? Or will college take care of that for me, do you think? His, not mine. I was too corrupted by the time I got to college for it to touch me much. And what if my example isn’t enough? What’s the fastest way to corrupt youth, do you think? I don’t normally interact with youth, it being all evil and wretched and such, so even the obvious solution might be good advice for me.

P.S. Does anybody else feel like the “You last updated x days/weeks ago” bit on the new home page is guilt tripping you for neglecting your journal?