…then you’re nearly as stupid as me.

Talking to mom today. Spend the first major chunk of the conversation going on endlessly about how amazing my TL at work is, for lo, she rigged it so I’ll be spending massive amounts of time in Chicago, for work. Clearly I’ve been radiating home-sick more than I knew, or my TL just rocks the whole world. Anywho, mom breaks into my plot for setting up a smuggling ring for Chinese buns to ask, “So, are there any boys you like at work?”

Clarity, I immediately thought of you. I was feeling envious. You have a get out of jail free card for these conversations, and apparently mine backfired. Observe.

“I like lots of people at work. And, well, I’m me, so most of them are boys.”

“Anybody special?”

“It’s a company full of geeks. We’re all special.”

She changes tactics. “Anybody like you?”

“Nobody likes me. I’m intolerable. You lived with me for seventeen years, you know this.”

“Anaea, I’m being serious. Have you found anybody?”

At this point I check the couch to make sure that I haven’t fallen through a dimensional rift and he does in fact still exist. “Is something wrong with Don?”

“No, Don’s a very nice young man. Quiet, but he’s a gentleman.”

“Snrk.” Yeah, and I’m the epitome of lady. “I don’t understand your question.”

“Well, you two do that thing you do, and he can find other people and you can, so I wanted to know if you found anybody else.”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, and them’s that ain’t, I’ve managed to wind up in the worst of all possible situations. My mother can go ahead and quietly loathe and be resentful about the relationship I’m in while pressuring me to get a boyfriend. Pushing for grandkids is so last generation. No, all the cool moms are harrasing their kids into building a mighty harem of geek boys where hedonistic desire is served via electronics, science fiction, and redefing fetish toys. Raise your hand if you saw that coming.

My hands are not raised. My hands are holding a shotgun which I’m going to use against anybody who so much as lifts a finger skyward. You hear that? It’s not funny. NOT FUNNY.

Quit laughing at me. *Snf* Y’all are so mean.

11 thoughts on “If you thought the fallout of explaining things to mom was cleared…

  1. That “well you can both find other people” is acceptance that you’re not “together” in the sense that she’d like (a stereotypical “romantic” relationship), as well as a bid to get you permanently paired off. I didn’t see it as a suggestion that you get yourself into a poly relationship with a harem of lovely geek-boys… (Which wouldn’t be a BAD idea if that’s what floats your boat)
    Grandchild pressure only comes when there’s no other kids to take it off you by getting married first… And you HAVE to be married, because everyone’s doing it!! And then once you’re hitched, she can pester you about having those grandchildren…
    (Yeah, and a lot of them are getting divorced, too…)
    She might also be scared that you’re a lesbian because you’re showing very little interest in boys as lust objects.
    Goodness knows my mom was worried about that for me…

    1. Hrm, transcription messes up details. That wasn’t so much acceptance as, “You’re being a moron, so I’ma gonna quote your own shit back at you to make you see why you need to be doing this differently. You can have other boys, find one who wants to get married.”
      I’ve got pretty solid “Doesn’t get along well with girls” protection against suspicions of lesbianism. My sister’s the one who has to worry about that as she has similar lust triggers, about 80% of her friends in high school were either gay or bi.
      And I would adore my own personal harem of geek boys. I just don’t have the time to maintain it properly and have a life. I want a life more than I want a harem.

  2. See, I can’t really laugh that hard at you, because my mom is just as bad. Granted, I have the advantages over you of having a much more liberal mom and having resolved never to be in an open/poly relationship again, but I have the rather large disadvantage of still living with my mother. Not to mention the fact that she doesn’t seem to understand that some things in my life are not her business, and she gets offended if I don’t want to tell her absolutely everything that happens in my life. And then the passive aggression begins, and then I respond with active aggression (because passive aggression is fucking stupid, annoying, and the tool of the weak). But I digress. Mothers are batshit loco.
    New plan: develop the artificial womb ASAP, and thus do away with the colony cells the fetus puts in the mother’s brain that every fetus will grow to regret in 15-20 years when their mothers go fucking insane because of them. It’ll also prevent post-partem depression, most childbirth complications, and the inconvenience of pregnancy, among other things. Sure, it’ll make it less personal and intimate, but it’s not like we can’t go back to the old way if it really turns out that badly….

      1. Unfortunately, that plan is not only infeasible for the moment for a complex set of reasons, it will also fail to accomplish the stated goal: as my 4 years of college clearly proved, my mother is insane no matter where I am.

  3. Yeah, I still don’t get the psychology at work here. I’m guessing it’s another one of those reason vs. emotion things…
    Totally makes me appreciate my parents though. Not only do they not ask questions about anything that personal, they don’t assume anything random, and they have a healthier sense of lifetime-pacing, which means I’m clear until 30 at the earliest(and if one of the other sibs caves before then, maybe never).

    1. Hmm. We’re talking my mother, in a conversation with me. This is a classic “inability for reason to talk to emotion” example.
      And I’m the twenty-something child of people who got married while in college and barely waited until afterwards for having kids. I’m already way behind schedule according to mine.
      Plus, she seems to think I ought to have kids because otherwise all the “you’re going to have one just like you, and then you’ll see!” won’t make it. Frankly though, if I have a kid who isn’t just like me, I’ll be horrified by it constantly. I think I’m funny, so that might work, if I develop massive brain damage and wind up very confused about what is and isn’t a good lifestyle choice.

  4. So you are financially independent from your mom, your sister is away at college, and you are in a different state from your mom, why exactly do you still answer her phone calls? I understand that she is your biological mother, but that is not nearly a good enough reason for you.

    1. My sister isn’t financially independent, and deteriorating relations between relatives and me will fall back on her. That is a good enough reason for me.

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