Attention in the airport:

“To ensure that you have a pleasant experience, it is strongly advised that you keep all of your belongings in sight.”

Am I getting severely paranoid or does that sound like the kind of nasty threat you say with a wide toothy grin?

Adding CNN into the Anaea + airports mix is just bad, bad, bad. In the sense of not being good, that is.

Anyway, the point of the post is to share the amazing thing that happened in the security line this morning. The guy in charge of haranguing everybody about stripping themselves of metal objects, exposing their precious electronics to display, and the very serious threat of too much toothpaste on a plane was very friendly, all grins and smiles at 5:30am this gorgeous Sunday morning. He is extra careful to point out that the foil in the wrapper for your cigarettes will set off the metal detector.

“What’s that you said about oil?” says a woman two rows deep behind me in line.

“I didn’t say anything about oil,” says Mr. Grins.

“Yes you did, I just didn’t hear it. What do I have to do with oil?”

“Oh, no,” says a guy between her and me in line. He’s playing straight man, you see. “He was talking about foil.”

“But foil isn’t a liquid,” says the woman, who is rapidly becoming my hero.

“It’ll set off the metal detector,” TooStinkinAwake man says.

“That’s why we need the plastic bags?”

I don’t think she was doing it on purpose – there was commentary about needing to crank up her hearing aid – but that doesn’t stop it from being brilliant. I need to do that from now on. It’s one of those petty, spiteful things that accomplish little more than making you feel better. They do make you feel better; anybody who says otherwise has never done petty and spiteful right. And let’s face it, me in a security line at an airport, particularly one showing CNN, there’s a lot of room for me to feel better.

The thinking cap is still getting a workout on trying to work out a way I’m not a hypocritical wimp over last weekend that doesn’t reek overwhelmingly of bullshit. It looks like I’m going to have to fall back on the saving myself to fight a better fight another day defense which sorta obligates me to go find a fight. It’s still a bullshit excuse, but at least it’s the productive variety.

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