Closeting the Geek

I’m not a fan of closeting.  Absent really compelling excuses a la personal safety, it generally seems founded on variants of cowardice or self-loathing, both things I’ve got little patience for.  That’s an easy stance for me to have; I genuinely don’t care what most people think of anything I do, have no marked things to closet, and am not really dependent on anybody for maintaining employment or housing or what have you.  The two things I could potentially closet are the polyamory and the unabashed geekdom, but the first would sorta cramp my lifestyle and the second would turn me into a homicidal maniac.  It’s not like I’ve made a choice; closeting just isn’t a feasible option.

That said, I am well and truly fed up with people apologizing for being geeky, hiding it, or reassuring me that they’re over it and are “cool” now.  Hello, maybe you missed it, but we live in the future now, and the geeks are winning.  Half the people you meet are carrying a tricorder in their pocket.  The other half are either dated, stubborn, or want one.  Big time rappers talk about zombies and aliens. Vampires sparkle now, and as aberrant and upsetting as that is, what it tells you is that the jocks have lost.  Our days of being a persecuted minority are numbered.  If you don’t get out soon, you’re going to look like a geek poseur, and not this one.  (That one is nerd sex on a stick.  Yum)

Sorry, where was I?

Right, closeting.  In the wake of my OkCupid experimentation, where I’m getting utterly overwhelmed by people trying to score points with the smart girl while looking suave, I’ve adopted a new policy.  I now respond to all forms of geek closeting by stating flatly, “I’ve just lost respect for you.  Would you like to fix that?”  It would be one thing if it were just the guys who drove themselves to the original release of Star Wars, but I’ve run into kids in college right now trying to juggle the, “I played D&D but I didn’t inahle!” line.  Dude, you play D&D.  Own it.

This girl is a bitch.  No self respecting person gives a shit about her, and when the revolution comes, the geek gods will deal her preppy ass her due.  She’s the loud vanguard of the losing side at the end of the battle.  You’re better than her.  Wear that with pride, and move along.

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